Of Friendships, Lasagna, and Fire Extinguishers
by thewickedverkaiking
Summary: Fiyero attempts to cook something for Elphaba and Glinda, and pretty much everything goes wrong. Wicked one-shot. Modern Friendship AU. Booksical. Birthday fic for a friend. I don't own Wicked or any of the characters. Please Review! :)


**This is a really really late birthday fic for my amazing friend Sarah and I'm so sorry I took so long with this and it's super cheesy ;( I hope you like it**

 **Insp:** www. youtube watch?v=jFrs6H1XAio

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"Alright, alright, you win—you can cook. I'll pick her up from the airport," Glinda huffed as she double-checked her makeup in a handheld mirror before grabbing her coat and car keys that hung by the door.

"I promise I'll whip up a meal fit for the Wizard himself," Fiyero declared with a flourish of a ladle.

Glinda rolled her eyes. "Yero… you have difficulty telling the difference between a broccoli and cauliflower, what does that say about your culinary skills?"

"It's not my fault they're shaped the same," he complained.

"Oz, Fiyero, they're different _colors_!"

"Well, bananas are different colors before and after they ripen, and they're still the same fruit."

"Kill me now," muttered Glinda under her breath.

"Whatever, I'm making lasagna," Fiyero said.

"It's the only thing you can cook, so it's not like we have a choice," Glinda retorted.

Fiyero shook his head. "No, I can make boxed mac' and cheese. Or ramen noodles."

Glinda pretended to gag. "Oz, no, not that broke college student diet. I am _not_ going back to that."

"You never had a broke college student diet," he pointed out.

She groaned. "I've wasted ten minutes arguing with you, and I would be a quarter of the way to the airport by now!" And with that, she hurried out the door, leaving Fiyero alone in her spacious apartment. Half a minute later, she flung it open again, flustered at having forgotten something. "Oh, don't forget Elphaba doesn't eat meat, so make the lasagna vegetarian!" The door slammed and Fiyero was finally left in peace, for now.

He'd just laid out all the ingredients when his phone dinged with a text message.

 _Glin  
Tuesday 5:23 P.M.  
AND DON'T MESS UP MY KITCHEN_

He snorted at the last line, tucked his phone into his pocket, and proceeded to preheat the oven. The only problem was that Glinda's oven was a lot more… complicated than the one he had at home in the Vinkus. His just had two knobs, hers was a dizzying array of buttons, dials, knobs, and screens. He shook his head in confusion, tried several buttons, and finally satisfied that he had preheated it correctly, turned back to layering his lasagna.

Deciding that he wasn't going to give up his prime beef mince simply because Elphaba felt sick at the thought of eating an animal, he made a second, smaller lasagna with meat, just for himself. Convinced that the oven was warm enough, he stuck both lasagnas in, and because he couldn't figure out how to use the timer on the oven, set one on his phone for forty minutes.

A quick peek into the oven about seven minutes later assured him that the lasagna was baking well, and he decided he had just enough time to take a quick shower before the two girls got home. Grabbing a towel and a fresh change of clothes, he clicked the bathroom door shut behind him.

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Fiyero was humming a traditional Vinkun tune under his breath while reaching for his towel, when suddenly he was interrupted by what sounded like screaming. At first, he wondered if it might be something else, but no, it was definitely screaming—Glinda's shrill screeches and Elphaba's loud swearing. And a piercing, persistent beeping.

Getting more than slightly concerned, he quickly dried himself off and pulled his clothes on. Stepping out of the bathroom and hurrying down the narrow corridor, he saw what had happened. The smoke alarm had gone off, Glinda was freaking out hysterically, and black smoke poured out of the open oven door. Elphaba had dumped her black cloak unceremoniously onto the linoleum floor and with oven mitts on either hand, attempted to pull two glass containers out and dump them into the sink, where she ran the tap with icy cold water.

Fiyero stepped closer, but it still took him a moment for him to realize that that was his lasagna. Or rather, had been.

It was completely charred, blackened, and burnt to a crisp on top, while the bottom layers still remained relatively uncooked.

Throwing the windows open to let the smoke out, Elphaba tore the mittens off and wiped her teary eyes on her sleeve. Turning around, she faced Fiyero, who seemed to wither under her glare. "What the hell, Fiyero?" she growled. "You turned in on _grill_ instead of bake!"

"You could have burned my house down!" Glinda cried, placing a hand against her forehead and leaning against the counter.

Fiyero flushed. "I… didn't, I mean—I don't know how to use your oven?!"

"Ask, you should learn to ask," Elphaba shook her head and muttered under her breath as she picked her coat off the floor.

"Well, dinner's ruined now," Glinda sighed rather dramatically as she looked at the mess sitting in the sink.

"Sorry…" Fiyero mumbled, awkwardly fidgeting with the cuffs of his sleeves.

"I guess we'll have to go out and eat then," Elphaba declared, slipping back into her coat. "It's too late to cook anything else, Ozdamnit."

"Well… there's a pretty good Vinkun restaurant nearby that maybe we can go to? I know the owners, so we don't really need to make a reservation or anything…" Fiyero suggested.

"Okay, sounds good," Elphaba nodded.

Glinda pulled out her car keys. "I'll drive us there, you can direct us." She opened the front door, and the three of them headed out.

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Four months later, the three friends were gathered in Fiyero's house in the Vinkus for Lurlinemas celebrations.

"Time for gifts!" Glinda gleefully exclaimed after the dishes had been cleared. She placed a gift wrapped in fancy paper and tied with a complicated bow in front of Fiyero. "Open it," her eyes were twinkling with laughter. Fiyero unwrapped it to reveal a stack of cookbooks.

He laughed. "Oh… after the lasagna incident, I don't think so…"

"My turn," Elphaba winked at Glinda and dragged over a heavy gift wrapped in simple brown paper. "Here you go, Yero."

"What is this?" he looked confused.

"Just open it," Elphaba said with an air of mystery. Glinda stifled a giggle. Fiyero glanced rather suspiciously at both of them. "Open it," Elphaba repeated, a little more impatiently this time.

Fiyero tore the paper off to reveal a bright red fire extinguisher. "What?!" Fiyero's expression was enough to cause the two girls to dissolve into a fit of laughter.

Elphaba wiped her tears away on her sleeve before they could burn her, after she got her breath back she finally spluttered out, "Just in case you ever think of cooking again…"

 **Constructive criticism appreciated :)**


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